I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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