We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
