everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
