...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
