She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
