Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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