I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
