We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
