I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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