I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
