So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
