Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
