it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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