Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
