Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
