i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
