I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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