I think my vagina is haunted
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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