i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
