why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
