My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
