I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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