please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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