Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize