At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
