I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
