I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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