One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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