Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
