Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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