We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
