So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
