We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
