Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The best revenge is premature balding
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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