The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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