She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
