remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The Olympian is in my bed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
