Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
