the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
