I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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