i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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