My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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