let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
