He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
