If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
