this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
