it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
