White coat. Heels.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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