he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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