why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize