now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
