Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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