sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
