Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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