she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
