So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
