Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
