I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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