how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
