I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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