Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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