i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
