Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im six kinds of drunk right now
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
