The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
