dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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