I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
