If that was your dad, he is hot
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
