Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
