am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
