wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
