last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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