Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize