I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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